Lies I've Told To Maintain My Sanity

The holiday season is upon us and I am offering you, dear reader, something better than a freebie. 

My district has seven more days until the winter break so here are various lies I've uttered to help maintain order and decorum in my room.  As a bonus, I've sorted them into degree of difficulty.  If this is your first year teaching, do not attempt the last few whoppers.  Hopefully these will get you through the last few days before break.

And yes, these are actual statements that just may have left my mouth.  (Don't judge-sometimes a girl gets desperate.)

For the New Teacher:

• I've got your mom/dad/granny on speed dial. (Okay, so there's a 90% chance this may be true.)
• I know Santa's number. 

For the Seasoned Teacher:

• I've got Santa on speed dial.
• You don't have to finish your work now. Sugar, you can stay after school and finish it. I'm here until 8 o'clock. Some nights I don't even go home I just flip my desk upside down sleep inside of it. 
• (Piggybacking off the above lie)  Yes, I do sleep in my desk!  The jackets y'all leave behind are my blankets.

For the Experienced Teacher (Preferably with a Colleague Who Will Corroborate Collaborate):

• Santa is my BFF. If he wasn't taking a nap right now I'd Face Time him and tell him about how you're acting.  (This is actually a dual purpose fib-you can use these exact words as a compliment to those doing the right thing and watch everyone to get their act together.) 
• I am so proud of the progress you've made since the beginning of school!  I'm so proud I went to the principal and told him about how hard you've worked.  I told him you've worked so hard he needs to give you more than two days off!
• Good news! The principal said that if you work hard for the next eight days he will give you 10 school days off.
• Even better news! The principal said if you worked super hard for the next eight days he will let the entire school out for 10 days. Don't believe me? Ask Ms. Crumbie-she was there!  (This is where you get the most no non-sense teacher in the school to look at them and say, "Yes. He. Did."  Who doesn't love collaboration done right?)

So all jokes aside, I do wish you and yours a joyous and peaceful holiday season.  May the next few school days pass quickly and give us much to smile at!